I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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