i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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