I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
