Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Welp...herpes.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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