Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
