She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
