At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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