I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
