There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
