I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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