just come out here and I will go home with you...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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