i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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