I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
