He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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