this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
