I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
