I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
