I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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