thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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