i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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