no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
How's work?
Spinning.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
