Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
