Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
