I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
