I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize