McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
