dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
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you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
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those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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