took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
