So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
