He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
