I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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