Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
