I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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