He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He passed out mid-signature
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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