my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
