Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
