Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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