also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
