I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
