I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
