I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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