My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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