So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just tell him i said nine months
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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