Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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