An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
