I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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