omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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