This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
be right there i have to get my cape
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
