woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
