yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I want to be your penis for a week.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
