I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
