he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
