remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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