1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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