I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
