im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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