i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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