i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
