I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Randomize
