why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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