Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
