i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
