He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
