So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
