Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
