she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
