Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize