you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
