i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
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Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
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Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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