Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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