We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
