Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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