so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
