At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
