Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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