Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
