I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
