It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
