The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
