The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
